Oct 24, 2014

I said I would never work retail

As soon as you think you have life figured out, something else gets tipped upside down.  That's how it always works, right?  Or at least for me it seems like it.

A couple weeks ago I went to work like normal, and just a few hours later I was back home, jobless.  All for good reasons and on good terms, I promise! But it still left me in a bit of a panic. I only had two months left before I left for Uganda for a year.  I had been saving and working and selling everything I could think of, but I still had a plane ticket+travel insurance+ visas to pay for. Yikes. I sent out emails and texts and resumes trying to find something (anything!) else for the next two months. No one really wants to hire someone for two months though and that familiar panic started creeping in.

If you know me you know that I have never had a desire to work retail.  Nope.  Non whatsoever.  I've been very vocal about that and I thankfully have never had a reason to work retail. Other jobs have always been found (+pay way more than most retail jobs).

Turns out I'm in a season of life that is completely turning who I thought I was upside down.  In a good but stretching way.  After a week of crossed fingers and prayers I have a job again.  And of course, it's working retail. 

The funny part?  It's the ONE retail job I said I would want. If I had to work retail, this one store was where I would want to work.  And that's where I got the interview.  That's where I was offered a job. It's a silver lining I could not be happier for. 

Finances are still going to be tight, I've lost time while having to job search again.  I still have my fingers crossed. But there is hope and I'm ready to work my butt off during the next two months.  That's all I can ask for.  In the end nothing is going to keep me off that plane in January. I can't wait.
also yo, I've started running. I don't even know who I am anymore...

Sep 6, 2014

Sometimes the unknown is Paralyzing

I finally feel like I can take a deep breath again.  Because there is finally a little order to my life again.  Change and the unknown freak me out.  Not just the typical freak out but the paralyzing kind of freak out.  The kind that makes it hard to breathe or make any decisions moving forward. It's been a life long battle and I've gotten better at managing it.  But it still happens and I refuse to avoid change just because of it (hello Uganda!).

That's what happened when I arrived home a few weeks ago.  After a week of not having a job and nothing working out I finally hit the breaking point. I couldn't do it anymore.  And that was my light bulb moment.

{excuse me while I go all Christian on you for a moment}

Of course I can't do it.  I'm not meant to do it by myself.  If I was able to do everything on my own why would I ever need to rely on God?  So simple but not.  And it took me feeling completely paralyzed to realize it. So I gave up.  At least I gave up doing everything on my own.  Since then it's been one painful step forward at a time.  But at least I haven't been doing it alone.

I made it to the other side of that paralyzing wall.  I have a job now.  It's exactly what I needed and I couldn't have found it on my own in a million years.  So thankful.

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Aug 23, 2014

Catching the trade winds

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. 
Explore. Dream. Discover." 
Mark Twain


It's not official until I have plane tickets booked (which I don't yet) but it's as official as it's going to get until that moment. I'm going back to Uganda.  I'll be heading back sometime in January to work with Abide Family Center for a year.  A year people! I'm super excited and can't wait to be back there.

But believe it or not, the decision to go back wasn't an easy one. Sure I can't seem to stay away from Uganda, but when it came down to it, did I really want to spend a year away from my family?  Did I really want to delay finishing school by a year?  Did I really want to leave my friends and comfortable room?

After praying and looking at all the options for awhile I did not feel God calling me specifically back to Uganda. Crazy right?  I felt perfectly at peace which ever way I decided.  I could come back to Canada, and God would be there.  I could go back to Uganda, and God would be there.  I honestly didn't feel God leading me in one direction or the other.  What did I want to do with my life?  How did I want to spend my time?  The choice was up to me.

Once I had figured that out, the decision seemed obvious.  Which one would I regret not doing?  And the simple answer was Uganda.  If I didn't go back to Uganda I would regret it.  Almost everyday. I know I would. Life in Uganda is not easy or romantic. It's hard and messy and fulfilling. And I would regret not being apart of that hard and messy life.

I don't want to live life with regrets.  So I'm going back. And I can't wait.

Aug 19, 2014

Saying goodbye (but soon it will be hello)

It's been two weeks now since that awful last day. The day I had to say goodbye to everyone at Abide Family Center and come back to Canada. It was pouring rain that day, I'm not sure if that made the goodbyes better or worse. It was hard and felt super unnatural to leave.  But I didn't have much time to think about it, climbing into that first car started a whirlwind trip back across the ocean.

Back to Canada.  Back home.  Except it doesn't feel like home anymore, a piece of my life and heart are still over in Uganda. As much as I love my family and life in Canada, I just can't get my mind out of Uganda.

Which is a good thing, because I'm going back to Uganda.

Soon the goodbyes will be turned around into hellos.

And I can't wait.  xoxox

Aug 13, 2014

When silence is enough

This place has been quiet for so long now.  And I'm okay with that.

In the past I would have been a mess if my blog wasn't updated for this long. Not anymore.

Life is full and beautiful.

One day is packed so full of craziness that there aren't any words to express everything that happened.  No words would accurately portray the events or emotions of the day.

The very next day I found myself content.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Just content.  Content with the child in my lap and the rain falling outside. It didn't matter that I was dirty, sick or missing my family terribly.  I was still content.  And that is hard to explain in words because it just doesn't make sense.

That basically sums up the last three months.  Silence here it was, and silence was enough.

But that is changing now.  Because life is changing and I'm so very excited.

I can't wait to have you all along for the ride!

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