Oct 26, 2012

my heart is ugly

I am messed up.  I'm impatient.  I'm selfish.  And I figured all that out in about the time period of an hour.  It clicked in my mind when I realized that all my ugly heart wanted to do was yell.  "Stop screaming!  Stop puking! Stop asking questions!  Stop complaining!  Stop breathing!" 

It just hit me like a ton of bricks that the reason my day was going so poorly was because of my attitude.  Not because the children were really acting out more then usual (all though they were not being angels ;) ).  It was mostly in my head and heart.  And it turns out that my head and heart are really ugly places to be recently.  I am not perfect.  I'm not always the calm and fun person I like to think I am.  I don't have all the answers.  I'm not a perfect Christian, not in the least!  That's the truth.  It's OK to admit your going crazy.  But goodness gracious, it's not the end of the world!

I feel like I need to admit that, at least to myself, before I can move forward.  So today I just flat out admitted it.  And I even had a little talk with the baby about it. ;)  And now, it's time to move forward.  To grow.  To learn from my mistakes.  Tomorrow will be a better day.
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1 comment:

  1. I understand your feelings all too well. I have seen the ugly side of my feelings this year too clearly and they aren't nice. It's all about Jesus in me.....

    ReplyDelete

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