Sep 6, 2014

Sometimes the unknown is Paralyzing

I finally feel like I can take a deep breath again.  Because there is finally a little order to my life again.  Change and the unknown freak me out.  Not just the typical freak out but the paralyzing kind of freak out.  The kind that makes it hard to breathe or make any decisions moving forward. It's been a life long battle and I've gotten better at managing it.  But it still happens and I refuse to avoid change just because of it (hello Uganda!).

That's what happened when I arrived home a few weeks ago.  After a week of not having a job and nothing working out I finally hit the breaking point. I couldn't do it anymore.  And that was my light bulb moment.

{excuse me while I go all Christian on you for a moment}

Of course I can't do it.  I'm not meant to do it by myself.  If I was able to do everything on my own why would I ever need to rely on God?  So simple but not.  And it took me feeling completely paralyzed to realize it. So I gave up.  At least I gave up doing everything on my own.  Since then it's been one painful step forward at a time.  But at least I haven't been doing it alone.

I made it to the other side of that paralyzing wall.  I have a job now.  It's exactly what I needed and I couldn't have found it on my own in a million years.  So thankful.

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